My art represents a congenital affliction.
It is a kind of invasive problem so common that is it practically invisible to me.
Still, it has been enough of an interference to my days that I've found it cannot be avoided.
After years of research, I’ve come to understand this thing indeed has a name. It has been termed a ‘mind’.
I have had to live with this affliction every day of my life.
It chronically forces me to consider a huge range of different things, and even things that are not things,
ranging from the terrifyingly beautiful to the beautifully terrifying.
(in full scope it also makes me consider some things rather mundane and in-between, often until they become beautiful or terrifying)
Sometimes I find I’m helpless stuck in consideration of a single thought or feeling and it takes all the energy I can muster just to escape it.
So pervasive is this condition that I’ve yet to meet a person (or any kind of entity) that has not experienced “my mind” at work within me.
You can imagine this very much makes me quite self-conscious.
Sometimes to the extent that I feel I am a prisoner in my own body.
A strange and foreign body at that, where my mind is the capricious and unremitting warden.
Despite the years of searching as far as I can tell there is no known cure for my affliction.
(or only one known cure but really no one is honestly sure of that either)
Amazingly, it seems that very many others have had to deal with this very issue.
(so I don't even have a special affliction, like, you couldn't well name it after me)
Alas, they have also found the problem intractable and in their own review some have even gone so far as to claim “the mind” does not actually exist at all.
You can image how disorienting this thought has been, and how much my own mind finds it dismissively offending.
(imagine being told you don’t exist!)
I am endeavoring to make the world a better place, but my mind tells me that it’s arrogant to believe I could know what 'better' means.
It is constantly hinting that I'm not really capable or worth bothering with despite the fact that it won't leave me alone!
As it so often gets in the way of this goal, I’ve made it my life’s work to better understand and perhaps even learn to manage my mind. (as if I had a choice)
I do so in the hopes that perhaps my efforts will save others from suffering similar struggles with similar antagonist.
(…or from struggling with me and my antagonizing mind)
Even though I've got my whole life to grapple with this task it’s an effort to believe that I can make any difference for anything whatever.
But I think my only real choice is to try.
I hope at least this thought is truly mine.
(and not just another trick of my mind!)
I believe it’s the best thought I’ve got.
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