xxxxi
the angel number so they say
about the cosmic cliché
or
the suffering of success
or
there is no such except
they say
you should say the thing you’re scared to say
because that is the sharing that speaks in the voice of courage
hurray!
unsaid
is the kinder you are
the more you’re afraid to say
as if you’re bad inside
because fear and courage are not the whole of it
they are just nice things
galloping on their success
whatever that means
is a way
or way off
because there is a way to say
it
and then for the sayer
hooray
we will listen for us
left unsaying
for what is said
what they mean is to speak in a way we cannot say
what they mean is to speak
in a way we cannot say
impotent (whispers the magic of words makes our sadness a fecund mind)
when we need the words to speak for us
neither knew no words were eithers
or everyone’s
or else our ego’s follow
indicating inauthentic
or worse
the authentic indicator
or both
are you keeping up with this?
(what it says in you,
you are saying)
and here you’ll assume
you know you’re right
to judge the either
with your own authentic you
and maybe you’ll start to say
what you see everyone else isn’t saying
or can’t say
or maybe like us
they don’t have anything
until there’s something
such is our desperation
that desperation is the condition to flourish cherishing
like blood on the wall
or an unwanted love
or a stunning sense of beauty
or an embarrassed hatred
or an empty stomach
or a barren womb
or a work done well
or a washing revelation
or a union of divisions
or a grey sunny day
or a steak for a dog
or the extinction of species
or the death of a wonderful thought
or the felling of ancient trees
or the birth of dread in a child
or the love that keeps us waking
or the habit of our said
creation comes in the shape of before we can say
even putting down these first few words makes me aware of an emerging rhythm, a pattern of repetition, and consequently of an attention to what has been written that will tell me what to write, as if the first few words were seeds already intending the plant they would become, as if they were anticipating the earth they would occupy and own, if not adorn, the nettles they would form, the allergies they would eventually exacerbate. that is: the sentence seeks its fulfilling form.
William Gass